DEAR ABBY: Husband gambles away retirement nest egg
A heartbreaking letter to Dear Abby reveals the devastating consequences of a secret gambling addiction that has left an elderly couple destitute after nearly six decades of marriage.
The Collapse of a Nest Egg
The letter, signed “Lost It All in Texas,” details how her husband developed an addiction to slot machines without her knowledge. He would leave the house early in the morning while she was still asleep. Over time, he gambled away every asset the couple had accumulated over 58 years of marriage—a sum totaling approximately $600,000.
The letter, signed “Lost It All in Texas,” details how her husband developed an addiction to slot machines without her knowledge. He would leave the house early in the morning while she was still asleep. Over time, he gambled away every asset the couple had accumulated over 58 years of marriage—a sum totaling approximately $600,000.
The wife only discovered the truth when her husband was forced to ask their adult children for “grocery money.”
Living in Financial Captivity
Now bankrupt, the couple relies entirely on their son. To prevent them from losing their home, the son offered to bail them out on the condition that he become the trustee of their land, home, and all assets. He currently controls their monthly pensions and provides them with what the writer describes as a “tiny allowance.”
Now bankrupt, the couple relies entirely on their son. To prevent them from losing their home, the son offered to bail them out on the condition that he become the trustee of their land, home, and all assets. He currently controls their monthly pensions and provides them with what the writer describes as a “tiny allowance.”
The writer expresses deep depression and a sense of entrapment. At over 80 years old with limited mobility, she cannot return to her teaching career. The allowance is so meager that they cannot afford to see a movie, eat out, or travel to visit their other children.
Abby’s Advice
Abigail Van Buren advises the writer to distinguish between financial necessity and punishment. She suggests the wife speak to her son to determine if the allowance is small because the money simply isn’t there, or if he is withholding funds to punish his father. Abby urges the woman to advocate for herself, emphasizing that she should not be penalized for a predicament she played no part in creating.
Abigail Van Buren advises the writer to distinguish between financial necessity and punishment. She suggests the wife speak to her son to determine if the allowance is small because the money simply isn’t there, or if he is withholding funds to punish his father. Abby urges the woman to advocate for herself, emphasizing that she should not be penalized for a predicament she played no part in creating.
Promote: Consider professional legal advice for financial recovery and protection of assets.
*While the son’s intervention kept a roof over their heads, surrendering total control of assets and pensions is a significant legal step. Seeking independent legal counsel could help ensure the trusteeship is managed correctly and that the wife’s rights to a reasonable quality of life are protected.*
*While the son’s intervention kept a roof over their heads, surrendering total control of assets and pensions is a significant legal step. Seeking independent legal counsel could help ensure the trusteeship is managed correctly and that the wife’s rights to a reasonable quality of life are protected.*
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Also in this column: The Ethics of Eldercare Surveillance
In a follow-up to a previous column, a reader named “Anne P. in Minnesota” critiques Abby’s advice regarding a daughter who installed a hidden camera in her 80-year-old mother’s home. Anne argues that installing cameras without consent is a violation of privacy, legally and morally. She suggests that if safety regarding falls was the true concern, a medical alert device would be the appropriate solution.
In a follow-up to a previous column, a reader named “Anne P. in Minnesota” critiques Abby’s advice regarding a daughter who installed a hidden camera in her 80-year-old mother’s home. Anne argues that installing cameras without consent is a violation of privacy, legally and morally. She suggests that if safety regarding falls was the true concern, a medical alert device would be the appropriate solution.
Abby accepts the criticism, admitting she initially overlooked the serious privacy issues involved and offering a “mea culpa.”